Looking back is not easy. Looking back is facing both the triumph and the failure. Looking back is coming to term with the mistakes. Yet, it is important to look back, to realize, to face and to salvage.
The year 2011 has brought to my life a fusion of experiences. I have won some, I have lost some – tale of every living individual’s life.
What have I won? I have won the right to call myself a writer.
My life as a writer has started early. I cannot even remember the first time I picked up a pen and wrote something. I can only remember writing and….getting rejected. Before 2011 I used to keep my writing confined inside the drawers lest anyone saw them. I was not up for the ridicules of trying to do something I was not meant to do. I dreamt making sure that no one knew about the dream.
2011 had banished that fear. Today, I not only earn my living writing, I display my work too. I dream and dream big. I don’t hide my dreams anymore. I dream of being a better writer than I am today. This is my biggest gain of last year.
What I have lost?? I have lost the gift called faith on 2011. Earlier, I knew that someone lived up there, forever watching over me. I knew that all the wishes and the prayers were being heard by a loving soul and they would be granted someday.
2011 had robbed me off that faith. Today, I simply don’t know where to look. When I look up I only encounter a diamond studded canopy. I don’t feel what I felt anymore. The emptiness echoes within, yet I am helpless. I suppose, I will never be able to look up and see the heaven ever again. The sacred paradise has become exquisite horizon to my mind’s eyes.
You gotta lose something to gain something. This last year has done that both to me. Whether 2012 repeats the trend is a thing to see. When I look back, I smile in fondness and say good bye to 2011 with affection.
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